Going through a miscarriage is probably the hardest trial I have had to endure thus far in my 36 years. My husband and I split up for a couple of years, and, although difficult, I managed. My mom recently walked through a struggle with Lymphoma, and although scary, I managed. I've lost countless family members and friends, and although very sad, I managed. But, losing one of my own children, even though I had never seen or held the baby outside the womb, was beyond manageable. I was sent into a whirlwind of depression and found solace in Christ alone.
I was finally able to pick myself up once I stopped thinking of me and was able to focus my eyes upward. I do not know how other manage without God simply because He was all I had to fall back on. My husband and children did not understand what I was going through. My mother had never experienced this sort of loss. My sister did not know how to minister me through it. I was finally able to get some sort of wisdom through other moms who had walked through it via my MOPS group! I was able to talk about it, ask questions, and feel ready to move on.
Baby Reagan taught me to rely fully on God more than any other. Also, I learned about "letting go" of my children. Although I still struggle, I understand more so now how I need to give God full control over everything... including my children. I know they are only mine on loan for a little while, and I pray that I am doing a job worthy of His praise. Baby Reagan taught me a lifetime of lessons in just 15 short weeks and I do not believe I will ever forget my angel in Heaven.
