Praise Him In This Storm

Wow! Where did February go? This past month just flew right past me and looking back it seems like such a blur! But, we do have a few praises from the weekend... hence the awesome song by Casting Crowns, "Praise Him in This Storm."

First though, Saturday morning we experienced one of the longest "fits" thus far. We were doing some rearranging of rooms and beds within the house to try and make things "flow" easier and made sure we had "all hands on deck." Well, Princess JF refused to let Princess JL help in their room {causing little JL to be very sad}, and then JF screamed at Baby JR. This scared the baby so bad that she ran to her Bubba {which she never does} and just held on tightly to him. It made me so sad, and yet frustrated again with this "issue" we are dealing with. Eventually all this anger led to a complete meltdown that lasted for over an hour! It took both SuperDad and I to hold her down to keep her from hurting us or herself. She kicked the gate at the bottom of the stairs down right on top of my shins, just after head butting me in the chin. She also proceeded to scratch SuperDad's neck, bite his arm, and just repeatedly hit him. We did not want her to hurt herself {she had earlier through herself on the floor skinning her knee} so we felt we had to restrain her. We did all we could to keep her in a recliner and realized then how strong she was. It was such a tough thing to do... and both physically and emotionally draining.

Nevertheless, we were able to make a turn around on Saturday afternoon. After a late lunch we took the kids to Sonic Happy Hour and met my mom at our local lake park for a walk around the nature trail. Although Princess JF seemed to be in a bit of a daze the rest of the day, we were able to finish the evening with no more major mishaps! This was very encouraging to us as a family.

By Sunday we were beginning to notice some triggers and were able to continue diffusing them before they could get her going. Princess JF went to Sunday School without complaint, and we were able to go to our LifeTeam meeting that evening without much worry since she had been in such a good mood that day! I do not know if it is the medication increase or something else, but we are praising God for the improvements thus far. We are still walking on pins and needles waiting for her to explode, but are relieved to have seen "normal" days such as these.

Actually, now that I think about it, today was even better than yesterday! Princess JF had her CT scan this morning {results coming in a few days} and then came home for the rest of the afternoon. She had no apprehensions about the scan, was decently behaved at the hospital, and got along well with her sisters throughout the afternoon and evening. Last week's events seem so distant after the past few days we've had, but, again, we never know when things can change... thus we praise Him through every step of our wilderness! {Exodus 13:17-18, 21}

Finally, I have gone through such a myriad of emotions just this past week alone {as we marked one week of these new behaviors on Sunday}. I began sad, as well as mournful, for the Princess JF I used to know. Then my guilt began to grow knowing that I myself have anxiety issues, OCD tendencies, Sensory Processing issues, and the like. SuperDad's family has a history of ADHD, but I know that I am most likely carrying the genes for most of the other mental disorders. I have apologized to SuperDad numerous times and he assures me that it is not my fault... but as a mother I am broken. But then, all I have to do is listen to the words of my amazing family and friends and KNOW without a doubt that God has knitted Princess JF together in my womb just as He wanted her... and she is perfect in His mold! {Psalm 139:13-14} She is absolutely beautiful and I will continue to love her just the same! And the other feeling that has now emerged is anger. This is probably the easiest for me to show simply because of my natural upbringing, but it is the one I dislike the most. I find myself mad, not at Princess JF, but at the "issue." I get frustrated and confused and it makes me angry that I can not stop it.

Fortunately for my family and myself, we KNOW who holds our future and are sure He is holding us all as we walk through this wilderness together. Besides, thanks to a dear friend I have learned this past week that

There are some things we don't know about ourselves until we are put into a position where we have to see God's power working through us. ~ Priscilla Shirer, One in A Million

And just because, we took some pictures as we took our nature walk around the lake so I will close with a few of those!